Gutfeld! : FOXNEWSW : September 7, 2023 7:00pm-8:00pm PDT : Free Borrow & Streaming : Internet Archive (2024)

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possible. set your dvr to never miss an episode of handy and shows next wednesday and thursday and tickets are free go to hannity.com and for all the news any time all the time, foxnews.com and hannitynews.com and let not your heart be troubled and greg gutfeld is standing by and he'll put a smile on your face. have a great night. ♪ greg: happy thursday, everybody. it's a happy thursday for everyone except for those in the big crapple. i just came up with that. true,

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just ask merrick adams who say the title wave of illegal immigrants will destroy thinks town or bill blasio calls it, finishing the job. by the way, what the hell is he up to? [laughter] ♪ >> i wish. and here i was told that diversity was the country's biggest strength. was it the idea of a sanctuary the highest liberal goal? the buses came and they tied the liberal ideas to the outcomes. when you know it, the lid were shocked. >> never in my life have i had a problem that i did not see an ending to. i don't see an ending to this. this issue will destroy new york city. destroy new york city. >> and he's [ bleep ] the mayor.

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who says that about their own city? hello, i am your mayor, work [ bleep ]! [laughter] >> hey, eric, all i can say is welcome to this thing called realidad which is spanish for reality. if you are looking for a few more dems to join you there, i am afraid it is more than kill me on valentine's day. this is another fairy tale that we heard from them over and over, except this time snow white does not have a -- [laughter] >> it is always the same. first launch of policy initiative that makes you feel good, like forgetting college loans and letting thugs off without bail. it makes you feel virtous and

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driving a prius with a biden/harris bumper sticker. when such ideas implemented, watch as it goes bad as a fresh pair of joe biden's underwear. remember affordable healthcare for all? you can keep your doctor? now your premiums are through the roof and your doctor says your son can't keep his testicl*s. [laughter] >> now, comes the border, hey, if you like your neighborhood, you can keep your neighborhood. yeah, right. sure. no person is illegal, sounds great on a t-shirt until an illegal from wherever is using that t-shirt to wipe in front seat of your laundry.

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nope, in reality, arms for choking out a mentally ill threatening your life on the m-train. that's reality. any policy initiative that fits on them has never been fully considered. except for the one that says honk if you are horny. [laughter] >> man, that made my pt cruiser the most popular car in town. a lot of action back there. [laughter] sometimes with someone else. [laughter] so, after the white house threw out the global welcome matt, democratic mayors are shocked that millions actually showed up. it is like actually offering your friends on the couch. he expects for you to pay for it all. i am sure hemmers is charming

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but damn, there is a limit. he didn't set up an meth lab like he promised. if you advertise that you are giving away a valid resource, a resource that does not belong to you? what the hell do you expect? maybe we should all fly to mexico city and walk back in. huh? it would be worth the die diarrhea all over my sombrea. none of you got that deal because no government could ever afford that. to raise that kind of cash, they need the stock-picking skills of a pelosi. [laughter] >> so, now as lefty mayors are stuck with the bill for this insanity, the only way to fix it is to lurch back to the right meaning doing what the republicans were tell you all along, grow up. this is not high school.

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i was a liberal back then because liberal ideas were amazing and beautiful as long as you never did them. for they are not real unless they are attached to a work system and there is no system. just a phony altruistic scam from brian stelter's bakery. [laughter] and liberal goals without conservative systems mean there are freebies minus results. that does not work. mayor adams sees this, we think? look at their reform. the free range homeless. that reminds you i promised chris wallace i let him borrow my tent. cities are now replicas of the places these migrants are fleeing, total chaos and disorder. what kind of lunatic would want to visit any of these towns.

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>> there are still tickets available for philadelphia where msnbc's joy reid is joining the booth phenomenal, you got to check it out. stay tuned for news on the chicago show. >> audience, shows in new york and chicago, philly. if you are going to see those clowns, you deserved to get mugged before and after and during intermissions. chris, we did you a favor, we created a more true to life promo for your speaking tour. take it away. >> looking for entertainment, then you will love the failing city tour with chris hayes, if he survives. [screams] >> come see us in chicago where

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there are tons of deep shooting and gang-related pizzas. how about philadelphia and join an intimate evening while being robbed. if you are feeling extra brave, see us in new york city. come to the show and stay because a relative would have to do i have our body. make sure to get your affairs in order first. >> so, dems, i am sure it felt good for a while but like eating nothing but junk food caught up to you. now, you are realizing you need a policy enema. don't worry, i have a feeling a nation wise dose of x-lax is coming next year. [applause] >> here he is. let's welcome tonight's guest, he returned back to the panel, guy benson! [applause]

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her mouth caused her five points on her driver's license. emily compcompano. kat timpf. it takes a month to complete his annual physical, wa champion iit ty tyrus. what's up, guys? >> there is probably no great immediate solutions in some of these places. i am just blown away by the ratcheting up of the rhetoric from mayor adams because we are not that far removed from the

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tr trump's years. all these people saying back when donald trump was president, -- it is destroying our city. it is just a few years later, and that's quite a reality check, right? i am now seeing adams is getting attacked by the left for being a mini trump for just recognizing. their base does not believe it. i don't want to know their definition of sanctuary. what exactly did you think that means aside from we are not

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republicans. >> adams saying people have to take people in. if you believe in the sanctuary, you should have one of these illegal immigrants off the street and in your house which i hear you have been doing, congratulations. >> i don't think there is room for me and my tiny studio apartment in this town. >> what's the exact location? [laughter] >> i agree with you guys and what struck me, what was mayor adams saying we turned the city around in 20 months? i am sorry, is still carrying a pepper spray and a taser just like i am today and i am still stepping over vomiting and everything. >> we are not bringing up steve ducey again. [laughter] >> so, the point is we are seeing nothing. you are like welcome to the party. the problem is because it is not rooted in common sense or the ability to look in the mirror, he's blaming everyone else but himself. he blamed a madman in texas.

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it is not on the governor's dime. so, he's still kind of virtually signalling to the left. he's seeing the structure that's occurring in a short amount of time, the government could destroy a city that took decades to it. chris hayes' tour, what is this happening? we all know it is happening because we have not enforced any laws. it takes one sentence and one point to answer his questions but i guess they won't see it. >> cities are hard to build and easy to destroys. kat. i am so tired of saying i told you so. i am going to say it all the time. you know what it mean? we could

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say i told you so. you can't blame immigrants for coming here when you hand out free stuff. if you say that, you just piss off the other side so they get mad. >> i pissed everyone so i don't want anyone to get free stuff. >> that's right, you are an stingy little -- >> i have done a lot for the homeless. >> you dated the homeless. >> i did! >> i literally did. >> she homed them. >> here, sleep next to me, let's have a relationship. [laughter] >> i brought my show to chicago, right? >> yes, yes. >> i am going to portland in a week and a half and my show is not [ bleep ]. >> yes. >> i have not been, i am going to go there and i don't want to let there be any limits on where i can go and connect with people. maybe i will step into portland and inject with heroine needle

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or spray with diarrhea or maybe i have to pay for it. [laughter] >> i like to go to different cities and get out of my bubble and see who i can connect with and put a show on for. this is a sanctuary for you. people show up, the bare minimum. >> this sounds conspiracy but -- it is the end of private property. what they are saying is you can steal stuff and not go to jail and you don't have to owe anything and you can live in it.

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>> you will. it is funny because our people show up. >> yeah. >> they want to have a good time. when you say hey, i am going to get robbed here, they can laugh about it >> uh-huh. >> where i can't wait to see the other show. don't arrest him. what are they going to do? it is always a kiss of death when someone says tickets are still available. cnn plus still had plenty of shows available. think about that. it is your fault to do all these shows. 90% will be like little pictures of gutfeld because they're going to do another show. i can't wait all the other jokes. the only way you fix this and this is with all politicians. it is career suicide. you have to do what must be done, which means you are going to piss everybody else. he'll say it is bad but he won't

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say who's causing it to be bad. he'll say ah madman and won't give his name. as long as it is important for people in politics to get reelected first, they're not going to fix these problems. that's the beautiful thing about virtue signal. everybody wants a sanctuary city until they show up in the lyle island and they bust them out as fast as they got in. what does it tell you? vi >> if they believe it, they should be asking to have more. >> i would gladly get fired if i solve the problem. if i can close the border and clean up our streets and i am out. i did my job. >> yeah. >> that's not important. >> he's got to get reelected and that's the part that it sucks. >> they're wrapping me. up next, a deep with no

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>> okay, i get it. the veep pick for university is headed back. kamala harris, tackle berry from planet googleface. it is a great idea now that joe locked down voters over age 150. she hopes those young minds are impressible enough to fall for her bs. hey, why not her be president? is it weird that biden keeps

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giving her all these tasks and you never hear from her about them again? [laughter] >> it is like when i am asking, guy to shave my back. and all i hear is crickets. apparently, he talked crickets the whole tiny razors. >> keep reading, greg. >> okay. >> what are crickets with razors. >> when she speaks in public, you can hear america iq drops. the only thing that goes up is barf bags. which is like your tandem sky diving instructor reminding you he has explosive diarrhea. there is never a good time to hear that. >> let us understand that every

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vice president, every vice president understands that when they take the oath, they must be very clear about the responsibility they may have to take over the job of being president. i am no difference. >> oh, yes, you are. [laughter] you are a little bit different because all those words you string together don't make any [ bleep ] sense. all previous vps were not a hard beat away from the presidency. joe does have a heartbeat but just a pulse we could not find. tyrus, you know what makes that sound byte even better? >> let us all understand that every vice president, every vice president understands that when they take the oath that they must be very clear about the responsibility they may have, to take the job of being president. i am no different. [laughter]

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[applause] >> emily, i said this on "the five," but it bares repeating because some of the things i say are so amazing. vp, the job's description is america's policies. she's actually joe biden's insurance policy so he could stay in because you can't bear her to have her as president. >> the ultimate that you would rather is -- chan or marsha or -- >> no, biden or harris. that's the point, you would kill yourself if either of them are in office. >> yes. >> both options are unattendable. >> nbc news conducted a poll for vice president favorablety rating. it was the lowest favorablety

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rating. if gavin newsom who puts his hat in the ring who's unattendable. they say it is a slap on the face to someone who has? i am waiting to hear what accomplishments she made. now she's going to tour colleges or having the same success rate to get the team back in order? last time i checked they kicked her out of the locker room because what she says makes no sense. nothing she does serves us. she's easy to make fun of but all of us who are losing. >> to your defense when she was in the locker room, she didn't have a penis. [laughter] >> hey. well -- so, we know. [laughter] >> would you see her if she's in college? >> it is a great move. where is the safest place to be a weird leftest? [laughter] >> college.

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it is like sending me to a gym and see if i can kill two guys in one lift. we are going to hang out. send tyrus to a wrestling match. he'll make friends there. go to a place where they're all going to vote for you, anyway, because you are going to say things like safe spaces and you don't have to pay your student loans. most of the people who answers you back screams. oh. i hear you. so, you know, it is a win. i watch this whole interview. i saw a little gangster pop up when they say. we saw the long version because everything we heard was the long version. >> yeah. >> when the first question was asked, yeah, i am ready. i think this was the worst pairing ever. they hated each other, joe puts her in horrible position. he's getting so bad that if she could make it through a ceremony, i am good with it at this point. if you can just finish the ceremony, you know, a vietnam

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vet, he's getting the most precious and prestigious award and this dude just walks off. >> yeah. >> just walked off. kamala, i am sure would have finished it. why not? she would have said vietnam -- vietnam. >> we are all going to vietnam. we are all going to vietnam on a school bus. >> vietnam. >> the nam is viet. >> are we missing something. is she closetly under rated? >> i think watching her speak is very interesting because she speaks very slowly and there are these long pauses as she's thinking of what to say and you hear what's coming out of her mouth and you are like that's impossible. [laughter] [applause] you clearly were not thinking about that because it got no

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connection to the other thing you just said which is important in any sentence. i, honestly, he's obviously the oldest president. he's an old 80. >> not a young 80. >> acknowledge that and don't pretend this is the oldest thing everybody goes through. please act like you know what it is. >> i am assuming god, you must be excited because next fall you will be looking at colleges. >> have your parents sat you down and warn you ahead of time what tyrus was talking about by the politics and the ideology and the group speech? >> i am actually a sophom*ore. [laughter] >> it is a year off. i am excited. i am really excited. a couple issues here, sending her to college campuses even when joe biden making stories about his life and bewildered off stage, she's still less cringe than she is. cringe does not play well with

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the youths. the other thing with her was and i say this absolutely sincerely, i hope she has much success motivating young voters as she had with everything else she's done. >> i am rooting for that. i really am. this is just a tip to the republicans, they want to spend less money in the campaign but still be effective. the question from the cbs anchor, are you prepared to be commander in chief. the answer is yes, i am. that's a five second ad. that's cheap and it will work. >> you are absolutely right. >> you are pretty smart for a sophom*ore. you are in a dorm, you can join a sorority now. >> although, you will have to grow a real beard. >> i prefer frat bros.

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>> oh, this is good. time for "mark it and move on ts. researchers believe that ai believes one day we can speak to whales. i just turned on "the view." [laughter] >> this is pretty exciting, kat, what do you mean the whales are going to ask you? can i smell your butt? >> that would be a smart thing to ask me. [laughter] >> in your opinion. oh, yeah.

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right. now, after we can move on from that. i don't think whales are that interesting. >> i think the idea that we have of whales go up in our minds. it is a lot better than the reality of minds like many things are. >> yes. tyrus, what if you found out that whales were really good with investment advice, like they know nothing? >> okay, all right. i got a peep in the file, i nu-uh were not going to take it seriously. here is the real -- first of all, you can already communicate with things but things don't want to communicate with us. what they would tell us is probably you get out of my water. >> all my kids got messed up from your stupid propellers, you can't figure out a way to fly on top of the air. musk is flying on the moon but you can't make a boat that flies in water.

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>> well, that's true. >> whales share emotions with one another. when one is lost, they don't have division issues. they stay together. even to the point of, if elders get sick, they'll go together. that's how unified they are. they'll just laugh. you guys fight each other because you guys look different. they'll probably say grow up, and call us a million year until you evolve a little bit and until then, stay out of my water. >> beautiful. [applause] >> you are quite good at talking to bears, i hear? >> what happened? >> bears? >> no, it is a gay joke. [laughter] >> so, my take on whales sorry -- >> i will tell you after the show. [laughter] >> emily is mystifieds.

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>> emily is like you talk to bears? >> explaining for a gay large man. i call them bears down at the village. >> that's a funny joke. no, i get it. [laughter] >> now, you know. my answer to the question was going to be, greg, with all due respect to shamu, we should master interpersonal communications first before we talk to animals. humans play too many games when it comes. a certain one was supposed to text me and never did. i am still waiting for that text message. >> that was me. the person i need to talk is on vacation. i say that's why. >> well, i was waiting. the king of late night is going to text me and never came. >> because i realized that -- yeah, i kind of jumped the gun there. [laughter] >> emily, is it the case that

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basically all life is pattern recognition? if you can recognize patterns, you can understand all noises like noises - that's how we solve codes in war in times of war, emily. >> i feel -- >> how dare you attack our veterans? >> i feel like that was something that ai would have write. it is just patterns anyway. i agree with you wholeheartedly. that the last thing i would ever want us to accomplish is communications with these poor animals that need to be left alone. they hate us, we destroy them and all that would do or maybe i should wish for it because it would take, what do you call that? the screen off the truth and we would see that we destroy them. how elephants cry tears. yes, you have been treating them terribly. like the little league that died in captivity. they had their own language. she was heard singing the song of her el pod from the coast in

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2017. that's why in part they were, yes, i am serious, you guys. >> this was the saddest thing. >> you are killing the vibe. >> yes, the jelly fish -- >> emily, emily! please. >> i love animals more than people. >> i just want to know if you get them to say bad words. >> ocean creatures do not contribute to our demos. >> you are killing us here. >> i will get edit it out. >> yeah, we'll cut it all out. >> coming up, his girl is a mess because he gave a dying ex one last caress. production, efficiencies, and greater agility. (jen) that's enterprise intelligence. (vo) it's your vision, it's your verizon.

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>> welcome back, to "hero or jerk," oh, this is amazing. a 22-year-old woman, are they all? she says she's mad and

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jealous after her boyfriend cheated on her by sleeping with her terminally ill ex because he claims it was her dying wish. the boyfriend says he only slept with her because she's dying. now, he regrets the whole thing. tyrus, this is so amazing. >> oh, it is not as amazing as you think. i am sure i am not the only guy - it was her dying wish. no woman's dying wish to sleep with her ex. it is not to get 1 for the road before she goes. that's a guy's thing. a man would fake his death to get the one that got away for one more and miraculously, somehow, her special place cured her and he's ready to come back into the world. this was a great, elaborate lie. i am proud of you for trying.

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it only works for a 20-year-old. a 30-year-old won't fall for that. let's tell the truth. if they are on their death bed, ew. come on. it is not like she's wearing lingerie and everything is ready to go. come on -- no, no. >> the upside is, you can skip the foreplay. >> she only has time for twoplay. >> if she dies while you are doing it, -- i just killed i. oh, that's my time. thank you, fox, i will miss you. [laughter] >> it really is. [laughter] >> oh my god! >> you are going to have to go back to wrestling. >> oh, i just retired. [laughter]

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>> god. this is kind of taking make a wish and turning it into a way to pick up chicks. >> yeah, this fight between the couple has to be an all timer, right? okay, honey, here is the deal. i did have sex with my friend, but it was a make a wish intercourse and she's dead. your move. >> emily, what if the guy then says oh my god, she survived, would it be selfish of the current girlfriend to be upset that she's not dead. oh my god, great news, amanda is alive. i thought she was going to die. she lives, she lives. no, she should be dead. >> you guys, plot twist, so it was not his ex. it was the little sister of their friend group and if i understand correctly, she was a virgin. it was before he had slept with his current girlfriend who now

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has a jealousy issue and she says she's passed away and rest in peace because she can't get her jealousy and her processing. when i read the headlines, i was like maybe this is really generous and amazing and this is the kind of thing that would be in a movie when the guy had sex with the girl to have a baby with the friend. [laughter] >> as i read the comment, i realized, no one accepted this. this is cheating no matter what. it is not okay >> the whales are really pissed about this. >> kat, i want to know if you think the dude is a hero or a jerk. >> first of all, this is why women are crazy, okay? the guy is like i am going to spend some time with my dying friend. oh, that's sweet and meanwhile, he's getting it in. in his defense. what you could say to defend him is maybe he said this all started because he said that

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thing to her that everybody always says when they're going through something, which is something - if there is anything i can do and she was like, me. >> yeah. [laughter] >> it is make a wish. >> didn't want to be a liar. she says yes, actually. funny you mention that, there is one thing you can do. >> she's making the first move. >> she's dying, she does not have time to play game. make a wish, you play board games and video games. i have done a few make a wishes and they never came up. [laughter] >> do not call me. lefty garbage they teach while hating free speech. [applause] i'm orlando and i'm living with hiv. i don't have to worry about daily hiv pills

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here's why you should switch fo to duckduckgo on all your devie duckduckgo comes with a built-in search eg but it doesn't spy on your seac and our browser blocks creepy ads that follow you around fro and other companies. and it's free. download duckduk >> a story in five words. [applause] >> shut your mouth at wharvard.

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how many students and teachers have been targeted by authorities by their speech. >> no. is it some cast is lori lightfoot and brian stelter? >> yes. >> yeah, they have the same ratings as cnn. >> to be fair, stelter, it is not about free speech. he just uses his mouth for hogies. >> it is never over, guy. it is never over. did you ever go to harvard? >> i didn't attend but i was a fellow there. >> you were a fine fellow. >> what were you a fellow in? >> i was in the institute of politics. >> god, you are boring. >> thank you, emily. >> i like when you look at the rankings, there is this in verse relationship between the perceived prestige of the school and their ranking on free speech

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which is the exact opposite with the exception of portland state which is sad on both level. my alma mater is bottom ten on football. harvard takes the cake they're deemed abysmal on free speech. >> it is good to know that your college was a bottom. >> kat. >> i knew that was what you were going to say. >> she didn't know bears but she knows bottoms. >> sorry for laughing. >> i promise i am texting you tonight. >> kat, thoughts? >> [laughter] >> you went straight from bottoms to i am texting you. [laughter] >> fascinating, greg. [laughter] >> please send me the screened shots. >> oh, they're going straight to hr. [laughter] >> what's that short for?

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>> home room. >> oh, yes. >> any thoughts, we are running out of time here. >> oh, no. okay. i mean, look, it is not surprising because it is all rewarded. you don't learn how to think them because if you never have to fend your argument, you don't know why you believe what you believe. no, i am now unsafe. you are not going to develop as a person, you have to challenge your beliefs. >> an unsafe students are terrible employees, if you can't handle the real world then it does not matter. they're ruining the real world now. >> they created their own world that's infringing our real world. there was another factor that was considered whether the faculty had your back, whether the faculty came in and said, this professor was speaking their minds and the fact that harvard where everyone loves to watch in the sideline with

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popcorn that kills the beast in an i - we must move on. >> hey, you did fine, emily. we'll be right back. [laughter] [applause] you can cuddle and brush that hair off. bounce. it's the sheet. hi! need new glasses? buy one pair, get one free at visionworks! how can you see me squinting? i can't! i'm just telling everyone!...hey! buy one pair, get one free for back to school. visionworks. see the difference. there are some things that go better... together. like your workplace benefits... and retirement savings. with voya, considering all your financial choices together... can help you be better prepared for unexpected events. voya. well planned. well invested. well protected.

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we all have obstacles, challenges, at different points in life. i still push myself every single day. the harder i push myself, the more i find myself drawn to wearing oofos. the first time i put on a pair of oofos, it was like someone released the pressure - it was so crazy. when you are recovered, and can do more, that has a compounding effect on all aspects of your life. stepping into a pair of oofos, they're truly one of a kind. there's nothing like them. quote,

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destroy the city but instead of blaming the biden administration for opening the boarders the mayor is now pointing fingers at republicans. bill melugin is live with the fallout good evening. >> reporter: trace good evening to you, some of the strongest language we have ever heard from

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Greg Gutfeld examines the news of the day through a satiric lens fused with pop culture.

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Us 10, Verizon 5, Vietnam 5, Emily 5, Jen 5, Ella 4, Adams 4, Enterprise Intelligence 3, Portland 3, Chicago 3, New York City 3, Greg 3, Biden 3, Marquis 3, Joe Biden 3, T-mobile 2, Cnn 2, Voya 2, Chris Hayes 2, Joe 2
Network
FOX News
Duration
01:00:58
Scanned in
San Francisco, CA, USA
Language
English
Source
Comcast Cable
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Virtual Ch. 760
Video Codec
h264
Audio Cocec
ac3
Pixel width
1280
Pixel height
720
Audio/Visual
sound, color

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This material may be protected by copyright law (Title 17 U.S. Code).

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