Gutfeld! : FOXNEWSW : September 22, 2023 7:00pm-8:00pm PDT : Free Borrow & Streaming : Internet Archive (2024)

♪ . >> sean: all right, unfortunately that is all the time we have left this friday evening. as always, thank you for joining us and making this show possible. by the way, programming note, next week we have an audience show on thursday, and tickets are absolutely, positively free. it will be the day after next week's republican presidential debate. we will be there covering that as well. tickets free, register, hannity.com. all right. set your dvr so you never, ever, ever miss an episode of hannity. in the meantime let not your heart be troubled. why? greg gutfeld standing by next, he's going to put a smile on your face. have a great weekend. ♪

♪ >> greg: you know it! you know it! all right! yeah. okay, okay, enough. you're eating into my time. it's friday, so you know what that means. let's welcome tonight's guests. he's on fox and friends first, but in our hearts he's dead last. cohost of fox and friends first, todd piro! [cheers and applause] >> greg: as a former ms. universe judge, she's no stranger to inept hosts. host of the hoop chat, emily austin! [cheers and applause] >> greg: he gets his fashion advice from john fetterman, founder of theloftusparty.com, michael loftus! [cheers and applause] >> greg: and finally he's like a humvee large powerful and

capable of carrying arnold schwarzenegger, tyrus! [cheers and applause]. >> greg: okay, okay, before we get to some news stories, let's do this. >> greg' leftovers. >> greg:. >> greg: i don't like my collar, but it's too late to turn back. it makes my head look tiny. look at little greg's tiny headresting on the collar. it's really funny actually. it's leftovers where i read the jokes we didn't use this week and as always it's my first time reading these so if they suck we'll rip off joe machi's nipples and use them to make pepperoni pizza. according to a new study the cost of raising a child to age 18 is nearly a quarter of a million dollars, and that's just to cover the cost of cocaine. by the way, hunter is suing the irs for violating his privacy because if there's one thing we

all know about hunter biden, there's nothing he values more than privacy. this week, hundreds of people who identify as dogs gathered in the center of berlin. that's germany. they dressed as a variety of canines including a few french poodles who immediately rolled over for the german shepherds. when the german shepherd was asked if he had eight or ten nipples, one replied nine. >> oh, i get it. >> the delivery saved it. the delivery saved it. >> greg: yeah, like that's my talent. critics of the gathering asked, what kind of weirdo becomes an animal that's always sniffing things? president. in an unhinged rant, ukraine transgender spokesperson sarah aston cirillo said vlad putin bates in the blood of innocent children and enjoys it.

that's nonsense. there's only one person who bates in children's blood and she does it on the advice of her doctor. [laughter] >> greg: a new study found that the average person's home is completely clean less than two weeks a year. however, the study may be irrelevant for people that don't even own a home. [laughter] >> greg: i like this. i like it when we do that. lauren boebert made news this week for apparently groping her date during a theater show. hell, we should have sent boebert to look for that missing f-35. she's great at finding junk in the dark. [laughter] >> greg: boebert apologized for her behavior, which dems said was unacceptable and should only be tolerated in the oval office. this week, pope francis urged global action to combat climate change at the clinton global initiative meeting. this from the vatican who sends black smoke into the air for

weeks to tell us they haven't picked a pope yet. literally just humor there. apparently very little. the five american hostages who were released from iran arrived in our nation's capitol this week. once they arrived in washington, dc all five said they felt much safer back in iran. serial sales in the united states are on the decline. the situation is so dire snap crackle and pop were found in the streets of san francisco. and no that's not count chock la on the ground. the army and navy failing to meet recruiting goals because many are disqualified due to obesity. on the bright side, though, many go on to find jobs in broadcasting. a recent op-ed discussed the impact on fathers in relation to male -- to the male loneliness epidemic but the article did say

that in some cases, some men will be lonely forever. >> come on. >> saw that one coming as always. >> i embrace loneliness. >> greg: taylor swift instagram account helped register more than 35,000 new voters. nice she's still on good terms with all her ex boyfriends. this week, joy behar called presidential candidate vivek ramaswamy dumb. that's like vivek ramaswamy calling joy behar hot. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> greg: it's also the latest evidence that the only reason to watch the view is to hear whoopi goldberg fart. and, finally, chuck schumer has relaxed the senate dress code so john fetterman can wear whatever he wants. it's a sad day [boo] >> greg: i know, even fetterman's dad managed to put on a suit jacket. [laughter].

>> tyrus: oh, what did frankenstein do. >> greg: now to the news, careen can't run faster from the immigration disaster, but if you think they've secured the board, then you've got a serious mental disorder. as tens of thousands of illegal immigrants pour into the united states every day the white house turns a blind eye and in old joe's case two squinty ones and a drooling leadership lip. 10,000 people alone crossed the border on wednesday, almost as if they're being encouraged. but karine jean-pierre could barely keep it together when asked how biden will deal with it. >> so what do you call it here at the white house when 10,000 people illegally cross the border in a single day? >> so what do you call it, peter, when gop puts forth a -- wait, no, no, no, no. >> karine. >> no, no, we're moving on. in the back. >> you say -- >> no, i tried to answer. peter i tried to answer the question. you stopped me. let's go. >> greg: tried to answer.

so i guess we are moving on, or so she had hoped. >> okay, we're going to move on. no, no, no, no. we are pea moving on. >> who's talking to venezuela about why these people are still coming. who's talking to panama. >> look, these diplomatic conversations are incredibly important. the president let's not forget just last fall brought 21, 22 countries together to talk about how migration is affecting the region. this is a president that has taken historic action on an issue, on a system that has been broken for some time. >> greg: she's stupid. never has someone said less with so many words. you know it's bad when even the folks from network news push back. cbs news hasn't shocked us like that since charlie rose let his bathrobe fall open. good thing joe put kamala in charge of border security, if migrants ask her for directions they'll wind up walking to antarctica. does joe care to add anything? >> no, no, no.

look, look, jean pierre's right. the border's not open. and even if it were, it would be fine because all those people are going to vote for me. i got a lot of credibility with those people. and if you doubt that, just ask any one of them chicanos on the congressional black caucus. if i can quote dr. martin luther king, la la la bomba. la la la la la bomba, the thing on your finger. >> greg: all right. yeah, we're all -- everybody in america's upset about this situation, it's just beyond belief but michael it must drive you crazy as a homeless lesbian to see all of our city services going to migrants while you're out on the street searching for scraps. >> michael: it's horrible greg. >> greg: yes. >> michael: and speaking for the homeless lesbian population,

thanks for having me in here. >> greg: yes. exact -- i mean you smell terribly, but you'd die out there. >> michael: i would. and for just $5 a day, america, you donate. this is wild to watch the karine jean-pierre peter doocy fight. it's almost like watching an old couple, an old married couple fight. because you can't answer a question with a question. you know, it's like, so what do you call it at the administration? >> what do you call it? what the hell are we doing here? and i think the gop should take the blame for the whole situation. and as part of that, they should open up welcome centers at the border where we take credit for all the giveaways, all the thousands of dollars and encourage all these new wonderful americans to vote conservative. >> greg: i think that's a terrible idea. >> michael: that border would be shut tomorrow. >> greg: oh, i see your plan. >> michael: president trump.

>> greg: this whole thing is driven by hatred for trump. biden just can't do what trump did. but to kjp or whatever her name is, it's like she believes her job is not to do her job, like to is that a word. >> yes. >> emily: no she does have a job. when she handed in her resume the only quality traited they looked for is a professional liar because this woman has never spoken a truth out of her mouth [cheers and applause]. >> emily: thank you. i want to put a pinocchio filter on her nose and then the truth would be exposed. oh, that rhymes. >> greg: there you go. it's contagious, much like my infections. sorry about thatted to. i should have told you first. but then, you know, we wouldn't have had that wild weekend. >> todd: it's a hazard of trying to get on this show. >> greg: i know >> todd: once a month. i do what i have to do. >> greg: for the infection as

well. all right, it's more like once every six weeks, but who's counting these days. todd doesn't it feel like this whole thing is intentional because no one one's actually trying to do anything >> todd: to your point democrats are against what's happening at the border but nevertheless administration is going to do what they're going to do. i love when kjp does two of the worst tells in history. we have been clear. let me be clear, when she says they have been clear they have been the exact opposite and the latest as we heard in that clip, joe biden has done historic measures. historically disastrous to our nation. and it's not really a joke because our nation is in real trouble. we do not know what these individuals are planning to do in our country. there are countless stories of chinese military-age men, not families coming over here looking for a better life, but people seeping across the border coming into our country, and they have no idea where they are, when they get here.

our national security is more and more at risk every day, and our country -- i talked to an ex navy seal, retired navy seal, they're never x. special forces guy who then worked for the cia and he scared the ba jesus out of me. he said in the next ten years, it's not a fox news talking point, we will not recognize this country if this continues. and that should frighten every american, republican, democrat, no labels, regardless. >> greg: i told you not to talk to other men. [laughter] >> todd: i didn't realize that was part of the month-long tryout to get on this show, i thought it was just the disease. >> greg: tyrus, it's kind of clear. this is what's interesting that actually biden finally said that he's for this. it was like he said nothing, now he's like no we're just going to take 'em all in. who's running the country. >> tyrus: that's a wonderful question. i've said it several times in the show. whoever's writing that notebook that she can't read from is running the show. they have to make the font bigger. whenever -- married couple?

no. because that's not fair to married couples. he asked a question and whenever a public official answers a question with a question, it's this new term that they love to use forever, it's called gas lighting. remember everything that was said in the other administration, it's gas lighting, trump's gas lighting us. they're just lighting us because we don't have gas. >> greg: they're solar lighting us. >> tyrus: it's the progressives. democrats are in a bad marriage with these progressives and these equity hires. she's an equity hire period. she likes to talk about how she's walking history. we would like you to walk out and be history because you are terrible. i don't have a problem with a different administration running their plan, but when their plan is, i don't know what you do, i know what you are but what am i, that's a problem, like four joe bidens talking, just admit it babe the bomb administration didn't have it at the border, trump administration took obama's stuff took it up a notch and we got to the point we

weren't having these issues. just say we opened the gates we don't care and that's it because that's what they're doing. he's doing historic things. one -- he likes to say well the magas did this, magas did this, maga maga magas did this. aren't you the guy who shut down the whole pipeline with one swipe of your pen. you couldn't take your pen mr. president and say finish the wall, move the national guard over there, bring the i will in taker over there. you can do it like that, but you can't because you won't. >> greg: it's true. i think it's all for a solid -- a precise goal destabilize the country. that's scary to me. >> michael: my welcome centers were going to work like brilliant. >> greg: yes, yes. just because you found another place to sleep doesn't make it special >> up next, between crime, poop, and bums, who the hell wants toe patrol san francisco slums. ♪ directly on the nerve. i recommend sensodyne. sensodyne toothpaste goes inside the tooth

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♪ >> you're watching to wants to be in the san fran pd. >> greg: well, apparently no one in california. so san francisco pd is turning to the lone star state. the department has been holding job fairs at four texas universities to persuade young people to join their force. and it's been a success for the job recruiters so far as they've decided to stay in texas. who in their right mind in texas, emily, would actually accept a job in san francisco where they actually hate the police? >> emily: that's what i'm saying. what happened to all the defund the police chants. take those same picket signs you held that said defund the police, take a little sharpie, cross out the d put an r and you have refund the police to the

stupidity you created. congratulations you played yourself. >> greg: shouldn't they tyrus be sending social workers instead of the police? because remember that? he ithe social workers went out. they're still looking for them. >> greg: true. the social workers never came back. >> tyrus: so dog catchers, you're up. [laughter] >> tyrus: [bleep] morons. the mitigated gall to bring your ass to texas to try and convince young men and women of the lone star state to go, get this, go up and get a job that you're going to get cancelled from, ruined from, and probably put in jail for doing your job. there's not a chance in hell this is going to happen. this is what -- and they can't refund the police anymore because it's not about money for police officers anymore. it's about spitting in their face, treating them like they're the criminal, going after them, they want to take away qualified

immunity. not to the politicians who this he can say whatever they want, but police officers are in the line of fire. you cannot encourage one -- if they get one person i would be very worried about it. because no one, in their right mind, would go into any of these states that don't support the police department. and even if you do make an arrest, you're going to be arresting the same time 20 times because your da's going to let him go because handcuffs are racist. so there's absolutely no -- nothing, nothing. it would take an entire change of the administration. you would have to have new das, you'd have to have new support and they're not going to do that. >> greg: todd, i'm going to ask you, you look like a time share salesman, let's be honest >> todd: i am. >> greg: it's kind of an insult but let's go with it. so san fran has this homeless problem, they've got drugs, they've got crime, they're down 600 officers. what would be the sales pitch that would get someone to join the force. you're making the sales pitch

>> todd: i thought long and hard about that and to a certain extent it's what tyrus said, what is the number. the expression, we all have our number. what is that number, that dollar amount that would get -- >> greg: a million dollars >> todd: i don't know what that number is to leave the safe confines of texas whereas a police officer you're probably lauded in 85% of the state and you don't have to pay a state north korea tax to fecal-lined streets of san francisco where you do have to pay state income tax. >> greg: fecal-lined that was good >> todd: fecal lined. but i thought more the person who's going to take this job has to have that same mentality as somebody who enters the military. somebody who knows they're going to be leaving our country for a foreign country, which ultimately is what san francisco has become, going to be going into a third-world situation and going to be trying to restore the ideals of american democracy to that individual, all in the ideals of american freedom. so you have to have that military mindset literally to go to become a freaking cop in san

francisco. and think about how ridiculous that is, that that's the only mindset of a person that i think's going to want to do that job. it has to be a completely selfless person who wants to restore our cities to their once great, great, you know, greatness. >> greg: so you're basically talking about kilmeade >> todd: yes. he has restored. >> greg: i would like him to go to california to be a police officer. loftus you're well known by the police and the local libraries where you sleep. is this a wise decision to leave the splendor of texas for the streets of san poopisco. >> tyrus: dropping gold. >> greg: yes, yes, pope-a-roni treat. >> michael: i think this is offensive in a weird way. it's stereo typical. san francisco's like where can we find the toughest most rootenist tootenist. >> greg: we need people to wear

[bleep] kickers. >> michael: why didn't they go to pennsylvania to recruit? why aren't they in connecticut >> todd: because everybody in connecticut looks like me. >> greg: even the black people do >> todd: it's weird. >> tyrus: i've seen it. >> greg: it is funny, it's almost like san -- amazing, you've stumbled onto a good point. >> michael: rare. >> greg: it's like california is like we need to hire our help outside because we don't like to do it, you know, we're upper class, we like the finer things but let's outsource -- >> michael: where can we get some dumb tough hicks. let's go to texas by golly. >> greg: exactly. we probably don't even have to pay them very much. >> impressed. >> what, money? i get money for this? well hell hell!

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>> now it's time for, what's wrong with these people? ♪ >> greg: yeah, what's wrong with these people, and by people we mean anti capitalist climate change who hate you, your mother and your dog. a washington post article basically claims americans are addicted, addicted, to air conditioning, and it's, quote, turned into the dark future of climate change. the writer says if capitalism hadn't sold us on the necessity of air conditioning and other modern innovations might we not be so entirely independent on air conditioning today? i'm pretty sure the washington post has air conditioning right? summers in dc are brutal. let a's check in on the author of that article. all right, tyrus. so when they claim it's capitalism's fault, how do they

explain like china and communism and all they've done to contribute to climate change? no, it's our air conditioning. >> tyrus: they don't, greg. they're stupid greg. >> greg: yes. >> tyrus: they're writing about their feelings. because, here's the thing. everyone likes to complain about their first world amenities, air conditioning, refrigerators, cars, tv, the internet, patrol people trying to make a living. all those things, if you take them all away, the people over there would probably get eaten by someone like me. you wanted to live in a big city, let's take the ac out in the summertime and see what the crime's like. nothing worse -- when it's cold nobody fights when it's cold because it's too cold. you can be the most racist dude in the world and another racist dude in the world, say he's the worst white dude and i'm the most racist black dude, we will huddle in a snow storm. >> that's true. >> tyrus: because it's [bleep]

cold. >> greg: cold weather brings us together. >> tyrus: talk about the co2 and it's at sear -- they won't tell the number, at 0.4--it's less than a %. zero superb 2% the plant life dies. so we're 2% away from losing it and they talk about it keeps going up, it keeps going up. more ron it has not gone anywhere, at all, moved one point in the last hundred years which means you're all full of [bleep]. >> greg: you know . >> tyrus: he's smart y'all knew that. y'all know. >> greg: emily a woman wrote this article, which brings me to my theory is this a ploy about women always being cold. oh, it's a guy? my producer said it's a guy. >> tyrus: his wife made him write it. >> greg: his wife made him write it?

it's a theory? this is a hen pecked husband. >> tyrus: yep. >> greg: don't say he's gay, by the way. that wrote this because women always complain about being cold. like you do. >> emily: i'm freezing. i was complaining the entire green room i was like guys why are we in antarctica but at so hard to be privileged and have so much ac. we have dictators in new york right now not even five blocks away from here. we have bigger problems to tackle than having an abundance of ac in the united states. can we please come back to earth for another minute. i know there are aliens now but let's come back to earth. bigger problems to tackle sorry guy or girl who wrote this article. >> greg: loftus, i was thinking about this. how do you get air conditioning when there's no walls? like when you're wandering around, do you just like stand outside, people --. >> michael: you stand outside and you hope. [laughter] >> michael: you just hope and you wait. this is like, what a ginormous

waste of time this article was. i read this thing and wanted that hunk of my life back. you're like climate change is going to kill us all. not what should we do, oh, i bet it's the air conditioning. air conditioning. so first of all, shut up. second of all, where's your big article on fire? right? oh, fire bad. >> greg: fire bad. >> michael: when we invented fire, we really turned a corner there. >> greg: that's a great point. you've had two good points today. i usually expect that in a month. >> michael: because of the air conditioning. >> greg: it's true. like we invented fire which has killed millions of people for over thousands -- how long, couple hundred thousand years? >> michael: yes. and this lunatic is going, it's the air conditioning. >> greg: that's such a funny and important point i'm going to steal for the five. >> tyrus: before you do, please don't say we invented fire. we just learned how to -- because i have to go down with that ship, too, and i'm not

going down with that. for the record, we did not invent it we just borrow it once we learned -- >> greg: we did not invent fire. that is true. that is true. todd, i have to give jesse credit. he made a good point yesterday on "the five" where he said, once you focus on the specifics of an issue, the left falls apart. like if you say, if you have a grandmother who's in a rest home in like a hot summer, you're going to deny her air conditioning? that's how you win these arguments is you say -- they never get to the specifics of the issue, they just say air conditioning bad >> todd: that's the irony of this absolutely insane article because he ties air conditioning without an actual connection to literally all of life's ills. and you have to read this article to believe it. one thing that stood out to me, he refers to his relationship with air conditioning. which makes me question whether he has a wife in the first place. >> greg: that's perfect verse. there's not even any holes in

the air conditioning. [laughter]. >> that's the vent get, that is the vent >> todd: you don't have a relationship with air conditioning. >> greg: no >> todd: you're iffing hot you turn it on. he blames air conditioning for northern republicans monthinging to the south. that is an actual line in this article. at this point, to your point, the left is trying any argument they can in the name of climate change and they sound even more unhinged and ridiculous than ever. >> greg: and you know that the writer, when he wrote this, was in an air conditioned office >> todd: a hundred percent. >> greg: oh, i don't control that, i don't control it. but the washington post is owned by jeff bezos who owns amazon. think of all of those advance with air conditioning that deliver one t-shirt to somebody. >> tyrus: and a box the size of that table. >> greg: exactly. i should have invested in cardboard right before the pandemic, because, damn, i have a lot of cardboard. which is really helpful for you

in the street. >> michael: yeah. i can do a tiny house. i can do a split level. you give me one t-shirt box from amazon, i'm going to build you something nice. [laughter] >> michael: it's going to be -- >> greg: you should do a fox nation series called this old box. up next, will our wisdom prevail when we answer viewer mail. ♪ with voya, considering all your financial choices together... can help you be better prepared for unexpected events. voya. well planned. well invested. well protected. remember the things you loved... ...before asthma got in the way? fasenra is an add-on treatment for asthma driven by eosinophils. it's designed to target and remove them and helps prevent asthma attacks. fasenra is not for sudden breathing problems or other eosinophilic conditions. allergic reactions may occur. don't stop your asthma treatments without talking with your doctor. tell your doctor if your asthma worsens. headache and sore throat may occur. tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

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day. >> tyrus: my favorite book would probably be animal farm by george orwell that sticks in my brain. >> greg: it's fix but now it's non-fiction. >> tyrus: non-fiction now, yeah. to sit down and be like hmm. i have work to do. >> greg: my favorite would have of fiction is dreams of my father. [laughter] >> todd: we know what this is all about. >> greg: what is your favorite book of fiction? >> todd: great gatsby. >> greg: why? because it's 80 pages long >> todd: it's not a big book. you can read it quickly. >> greg: i read that in college why did we all read it. >> tyrus: it was assigned. just say you don't like to read >> todd: i have to read so much for the job, with two kids you think i'm --. >> tyrus: charles dickens smoking a pipe >> todd: i never read charles dickens. >> greg: i couldn't read charles

dickens, the language was too complicated emily. what's your favorite book of fiction and please don't say twilight. >> emily: no, definitely not twilight. i think it's funny you guys are talking about assigned reading because in my school days we didn't have assigned reading we had assigned japanese p*rnography if you remember, so unfortunately i don't even know the last non-fiction novel i sfleed no such thing as a non-fiction novel. >> emily: i'm simplate if i were to educate right wouldn't be anything realistic whatsoever because i'm reading to escape this world not to be reminded the world we live in so i don't even know. you have to count me out of this question. >> greg: what is with our panelists? no one likes to read. >> emily: we're pulling a press secretary. >> greg: you have a lot of time to read on the streets michael sitting there. >> michael: it's all we do. we read the side of soup cans. how much sodium is in these beans? i love reading.

i actually wrote a novel, tada, neither stunning nor brave, available now. [cheers and applause] >> greg: then tell me what's your favorite novel doofus face. >> michael: my favorite novel doofus face, i've got to go with lord of the rinks. >> greg: really? >> michael: yeah, lord of the rings, and my book, neither stunning nor brave, available now. a lord of the rings for the modern man. lord of the rings is amazing. i'm one of those dudes, i read it once a year. >> greg: i'm going to go with blood meridian a great book by mccarthy. the road. >> michael: i was reading that on a plane and was so taken by it, the woman sitting next to me was like so what are you reading? i was like lady you're going to have to shut up the whole flight because i am in this thing. >> greg: how is use you are wife, by the way? anyway, all right, jenny, he asks, what was the craziest

thing that ever happened to you when you were on vacation? i'm going to go back to you because i'm sure -- well, do you know what a vacation is? >> michael: life is a vacation. >> greg: yes. your dog thinks he's always on a vacation. >> michael: i tried to buy $5 worth of weed on a beach in jamaica and i wasn't wearing any clothes. so my plan was to swim out, you know, and buy a little weed and then tuck it and hide it on the way back, but the dollar is strong in jamaica. gave this kid five bucks, he gave me like a bail of marijuana. so now i'm naked swimming back, and i'm trying to keep this stuff dry like dog paddling. so that was awkward, it was like the statue of liberty on the beach. look at what i have bought. >> greg: and you're also naked. >> michael: yeah. >> greg: well, that's a sight to behold. >> michael: no you feel great. you think a nude beach is going to be awkward and then you see

the people out there and you realize, i'm a piece of ass! >> greg: you know, when i was a teen-ager we snuck into a nude beach in san crews and got caught and they forced us to clean the whole beach. talk about humiliating. >> tyrus: by a bunch of angry lonely men. >> michael: you had to be naked to clean beach? yes. >> michael: that's hilarious. >> greg: enough about that. emily? >> emily: i'm very good at following instructions, not. so when i went swimming in turks and caicos, super boujee, there were instructions stay literally anywhere but stay outside the ropes but i read that as stay inside the ropes. i swam out there and i hear sirens, but i'm under water, i kind of hear them in the air because i was in tel aviv a lavement so i come up for air and i was like oh look at all

these people looking at my snorkel. i was in a shark nursery. but i'm here so clearly all is sfwheel so does that sound so cute, a shark nursery? oh, that's mine right there. that's it, the little great white. >> michael: i call him bitey. >> greg: bitey, yes, yes. a shark nursery, todd. what about you? >> todd: it's going to be tough to beat baby shark over there. i really hope my wife is not watching this, but we were on vacation one time. she got bit by a jelly fish. i think you all know what you do when you get bit by a jelly fish. >> greg: yeah, you me on it >> todd: tyrus. >> tyrus: car wash there. you weren't dumb enough to me on her, you poured it on a cup and peed on her or were you a jackass husband and just peed on herman man tyrus? >> greg: this should be the excuse they use in the steele

dossier that donald trump thought the prostitutes were stung by jelly fish on their breasts. >> tyrus: the jelly fish bites were so numerous, just, got to save her. >> greg: last one. >> tyrus: i feel bad for this, i apologized to the dude so many times. i was staying at an island somewhere on vacation and they assign you a butler apparently. i just thought some dude, he walked in and was like good morning. i was like pop. >> emily: oh, no. [laughter] >> greg: yeah. >> tyrus: he was out for a minute, woke him up, tried to tip him. >> greg: did you pee on him? >> tyrus: no. when they're knocked out, why would you leave evidence. i'm black, i'm trying to get away. >> greg: todd might i remind you the solution to all problems isn't urinating on them >> todd: this is what homeless loftus told me. >> greg: yes. homeless loftus. your hoe bow name. homeless loftus lived in a basket of weed.

all right, up next, a golfer goes nuts and shows he's a puts.

♪ >> a story in five words. ♪ >> greg: golfer erupts over stolen ball. roll it. >> you took her ball. >> i'm not going to fight you over --

>> money for a golf ball. >> walter, i will a plant you. now get the [bleep] off the cart. >> walter? >> walter? >> oh, here we go! >> you see that? bitch you want it, come get it. >> he's mentally ill, let's move along. [laughter] >> greg: todd have you ever gotten so mad on the golf course you ripped off your shirt and shown your hairy chest? >> todd: every time. the best part is not the ripping off of the shirt the best part is when he calls somebody walter and they're like walter? >> greg: i have a theory. i call it the gutfeld subway strategy. when someone is acting crazy in the subway and stinking of urine you poop your pants that way they'll stay a bay from you. he was trying to over escalate -- tyrus, he was trying to over escalateed into to

deescalate. >> tyrus: right, right. >> greg: what do you think? >> tyrus: or just get off the subway, pull the cord. >> greg: no. >> tyrus: i get it. we have a lot of things in common, i'm more of an offensive guy and you're more a defensive guy. >> greg: exactly. >> tyrus: you curl up in a ball and [bleep] yourself, and i'll take my chances. >> greg: it works. >> tyrus: it works. hey, hey, hey, fight or flight. natural responses. no judgment here. you know, as a retired wrestler i love this. we're missing the -- he did full display, light? he did the thing and he gave them the show. >> emily: the show? >> tyrus: he gave them the show. when the man's doing this he's ready to go. but they were all talking [bleep]. they called him karen -- fired back and called him walt waker and the guy was offended that he called them walter. and they're like you can't afford a ball? he's like let's go time, let's do this.

and what did they do? they drove away. they had numbers, at least two high-pitched talking men driving, one woman leading the pack with the instilts and he won. this is a huge victory for him. they drove away and he was like, whoo, i thought i was going to have to [bleep] myself. >> greg: emily, this guy has an extensive criminal past, and he was charged for intent to riot and once threatened his neighbor in the street wearing only his underwear. you're single, right? >> emily: yeah, i -- listen -- [laughter] >> greg: what's so funny. >> emily: can't date a guy who thinks he's the hulk. i think the green shirt must have inspired him that day or something. my theory is, if you're going to go out and show off your body, hit the gym a few times, man. oh, my god, that's embarrassing. if he was ripped that would be one thing. >> tyrus: you're missing the point. remember, gutfeld, it's the

flight, he can't fight. he stripped down to his underwear to avoid. if me and lissow were going to fight and i say where am i breaking him in half and he strips down to his underwear he wins. >> emily: so out-psycho him. i get it. >> greg: some say it's royed rage meaning hemorrhoids from sitting in the golf cart. >> michael: or he's that guy who used to be really big and now he thinks he's like, oh, i'm going to take off my shirt to fight. i'm going to yell at my neighbors in my underwear. i'm going to pose. he's a crazy person is what he is. >> greg: which means he'll probably get a job as an anchor at cnn. don't go away, we'll be right back. but i'm protected with arexvy. arexvy is a vaccine used to prevent lower respiratory disease from rsv in people 60 years and older. rsv can be serious for those over 60, including those with asthma, diabetes, copd,

and certain other conditions. but i'm protected. arexvy is proven to be over 82% effective in preventing lower respiratory disease from rsv and over 94% effective in those with these health conditions. arexvy does not protect everyone and is not for those with severe allergic reactions to its ingredients. those with weakened immune systems may have a lower response to the vaccine. the most common side effects are injection site pain, fatigue, muscle pain, headache, and joint pain. i chose arexvy. rsv? make it arexvy.

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i got the power of 3. i lowered my a1c, cv risk, and lost some weight. in studies, the majority of people reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. i'm under 7. ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as stroke, heart attack, or death in adults also with known heart disease. i'm lowering my risk. adults lost up to 14 pounds. i lost some weight. ozempic® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes. don't share needles or pens, or reuse needles. don't take ozempic® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or have multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if allergic to it. stop ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, or an allergic reaction. serious side effects may include pancreatitis. gallbladder problems may occur. tell your provider about vision problems or changes. taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. side effects like nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. living with type 2 diabetes? ask about the power of 3 with ozempic®. ♪ we're not writers, but we help you shape

your financial story. ♪ we're not an airline, but our network connects global businesses across nearly 160 markets. ♪ we're not a startup, but our innovation labs use new technologies to help keep your information secure. ♪ we're not architects, but we help build stronger communities. ♪ we're not just any bank. we are citi. ♪ ♪ >> greg: thanks to todd piro, emily austin, michael loftus, tyrus, i'm greg gutfeld and i love you america. >> trace: good evening i'm trace gallagher it's 11:00 p.m. on the east coast 8:00 here in los angeles and this is america's

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