Gutfeld! : FOXNEWSW : December 21, 2023 7:00pm-8:00pm PST : Free Borrow & Streaming : Internet Archive (2024)

>> i think mark brings up a really good point. what about the politics? politics are often driven by life circ*mstance when you're in your 20s verses in your 30s. maybe as you pair up with a partner, a husband or wife. so that is a concern. but to the point of bringing their politics, do they retain them? because we tend to get more conservative as we get older, which is on the republicans to message and keep an environment to keep a strong state governance structure so people have safety and economic opportunity, which is at the core of all of this. because then they will vote their interest. and that is the challenge, to make sure they know their interest. when they vote that way, they will typically lean toward the right and most of the states. >> kellyanne: thank you, david webb and mark penn. thank you for joining us. that's all the time we have left tonight. thank you for tuning in. "gutfeld!" is next. ♪ ♪

>> that's right! that's right! thank you! thank you, thank you, thank you. it's always crazy when the girl scouts of america are in the audience. [laughter] happy thursday. so, are the young'uns about to give the boot to the drooling old coot? he's crushing biden with voters under the age of 30, a group he won by 25 points in 2020. i know, it is early yet. then again, when you consider joe's age, i don't think anything could be too early. let's just say, when joe has a pizza delivered and the guy on the phone says it's going to be 45 minutes, he breaks into a cold sweat. because he's, like, old. >> really old. >> greg: really old. >> liked, jesus christ was a

freshman in his senior year, old. i'm talking old. >> greg: we've got to go possible candidates. one of them is skin glued to a skeleton, and the other is trump. true, donald is aging like everybody else, except oddly it's backwards. he looks great. his hair is still a natural orange. and he's funnier than ever. but how is he doing so well considering he's not giving debates, preferring mma fights and college bowl games? maybe unlike the current president, people have memories. they remembered trump on immigration, saying send him back, and biden saying come on in. there maybe their incomes were growing, that the amount of handouts. and world war iii was just a scare tactic, not a real reason to buy everything in the latest issue of "guns and ammo." the geniuses at nbc, which stands for "nobody cares," have a different theory. joe isn't giving young people enough free money. they claim young voters are sad

because biden hasn't kept his promise to saddle taxpayers with the bill for their college loans. after all, he said he'd paid their debts for them using our money. he had no authority to make that promise, but he just figured we wouldn't notice. but we did, ya asshole! that was unnecessary. [laughter] but keep it in. also according to nbc, young voters are pissed he hasn't done that for climate change, which is hilarious. democrats owned scare tactics. they are like dating jeffrey dahmer. they always come back to bite you. you tell them the world's ending and win an election he approaches you pivot back to reality. no wonder they are pissed. i say relax, climate nuts. biden has a beach house and none of this is real. they also blame biden for not codifying roe v. wade, which is also funny. if their parents had explained that law when it existed, they wouldn't have.

>> [laughs] >> tyrus: give it a second, it'll set in. [laughter] >> greg: of course, young dems blame biden for not speaking out loudly enough against israel. these concerned coeds compare jews to nazis, more proof of the strangle hold on our education system. nazis killed jews, but they only know pronounce, not pogroms. to them, hitler is just a guy who looks like a cat. [laughter] >> tyrus: wow, that is uncanny is uncanny. >> greg: so that's the theory why nobody likes jail, but the reason is much simpler. he's a demented old circus monkey. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> lets go lick the world.

>> each year for muslim athletes like kareem alj -- -- and -- i'm not sure if i'm pronouncing that right. >> putin is a -- yeah. >> greg: one was the last time this guy got done giving a speech and knew where he was supposed to go next? he looks like mr. magoo in a hedge maze. he has worse sense of direction than emilio ehrhardt [laughter] you can't think that's too soon! she's been dead forever! assuming she is dead. but that -- she may be andrew mitchell. but that's only part of the story. there is the economy, all these young dems who aren't living at home see their grocery bills doubling in the last three years. they see the price of just about everything skyrocketing. when you have to comparison shop

while buying ramen noodles, you know things are bad. hell, they need a loan just to dye their hair blue. you can lighted people about a lot of things, but not their paycheck at a bank account. you can't make them think something is getting bigger when it's not. i learned that when i bought those pills off the internet. [laughter] >> tyrus: they are for hives. >> greg: according to "the new york times," biden is also slipping among black voters. maybe they resent the democrat party taking them for granted, and they are tired of white dems thinking it is racist to assume a black person can make up his own mind. remember this? >> it's a long way until november. we've got more questions. >> if you have a problem figuring out whether you are for me or trump, then you ain't black. >> greg: oh, man! that should have sent him. now, does any of this mean

enough younger black voters who went with joe last time are going to switch to trump connect considering the media has lied to them about republicans their whole lives, it's ingrained in their brains to vote democrat. they are more set in their ways than jimmy hoffa. >> [laughs] >> tyrus: wait for it... he's in the cement... >> greg: we definitely need an "applause" sign. i'm kidding! [applause] shut up! i don't need your mercy! [laughter] but a lot can happen in a year. people's opinions can change, like john fetterman when his brain healed. but when it comes to these voters, maybe they are catching on that the obsession of equity doesn't create a future, that pronouns don't lead to property ownership, that you can't raise and a family with oppression filter. when a babysitter is a fat hairy dude by the name of francine.

perhaps they are finally catching on to the destructive device of ideas of the democratic party, that pitting one group against another leads nowhere but down. it's a race to the bottom, and not just in the senate chamber. [laughter] still can't get the rights to that picture. so we've got to draw it. and maybe they are seeing what the dems do now in the courts as an admission of their own incompetence and a willingness to lie, cheat, and steal to win. instead of focusing on policies, they are playing the hitler card, the insurrection card. they realize they can't compare joe to trump on economy, crime, the border, foreign policy, so they don't. instead it's back to the hysteria that made it excusable to undermine a fair 2020 election. the fact is, if this election were a blind taste test between trump and biden, well, one would be a refreshing ice-cold co*ke and the other a warm glass of

rancid piss. [laughter] you know, as opposed to the fresh piss. [laughter] any reasonable person would prefer trump to old joe, a befuddled mess who wishes he could conceive in your hair. >> tyrus: i'm not expending that one. >> greg: [laughs] and the dems know this, even if joe biden doesn't. he doesn't even know that he is joe biden! sound about right, joe? >> no, no, no. i'm going to get those young boats, man. yeah. i'm speaking their language, the gen z. i've got rizz, man. i got ratio. sheesh. i'm out of pocket, man. and i oop. i'm bussin' fit i'm clapping back, jack. i'm all bougie and i've got a high body count.

you know what that means? i bet you don't! okay, boomer! >> greg: that's frightening. let's welcome tonight's guest! she once got the grinch off for good behavior. host of the fox true crime podcast, emily compagno. [applause] he hangs mistletoe to keep from hanging himself. writer and comedian, joe devito! i wrote that one. and she's never had a silent night. "new york times" best-selling author and fox news contributor, kat timpf! [applause] and he'll deck the halls, and anyone who talks trash. "new york times" best selling author, comedian, and former pro wrestler, tyrus! [applause] emily, always a pleasure to see you. >> emily: thanks! >> greg: i don't mean that come of it anyway. [laughter] it's kind of obvious what's happening here as the dems see

their chances getting slim. they are just pouring on the hysteria. what say you? >> emily: well, the only good kind of hysteria is the def leppard album. i see three things going on here. the first is that, that it has become, like, palpably ridiculous if it were not so tragic what they are trying to do to take down trump. he said it best, they're trying to get to you and i'm just in the way. the fact that the colorado rogue court is now being celebrated as a victory, as jubilation spreads across the country, they will be smacked down by the supreme court, and those quiet voices, i wonder what they'll be saying then. what's going to happen when the election actually occurs and trump trounces everyone? this is the bed they've created. in terms of the fleeing voters, obviously the vast majority of those who voted for biden who see that the dollar has plummeted in value and that things are so hard, and that he is out to lunch, and everything about everything has been

diluted and sucks now, they're saying, yeah, everything was better under a g.o.p. president. but those 18 229-year-old now fleeing to trump, the reality is you can't cater to kids and think enough is ever going to b. >> greg: true. >> emily: that was going to say you didn't do enough with climate coming and not doing enough with the palestinians. they are seeing him for what he is, which is that he's capitulating to them but he was never an ideologue to begin with. he doesn't actually believe what he was telling them, he just wanted their votes. of course he's going to change their mind and go back to you, now, israel is our ally. and he is deluded on that front, too. and i mean diluted, that he's not giving them as much as he should. but the reality is they want to denounce israel and support hamas, and he's never going to do that. all he thought is that saying student loans and climate change, that would be enough. so the fact they have overwhelmingly flipped their votes, they are now ten points

to trump, 75% of them disagreed with his handling of israel, and it just goes to show it'll never be enough. from the beginning, it was worthless anyway. >> greg: so basically he's like a stranger with candy. >> emily: yes! poison candy. >> greg: you could have just said that. [laughter] joe, you share his first name. in the same way, you have the same problems in that year shows have zero support from young people and black people. [laughter] >> joe: yes, i wander around quite a bit. i think he is also diluted in the sense that he is watery, watered down. suddenly they are surprised that maybe he is too old and white to get the young voters. to go older than him, what, are they going to nominate dick van dyke to get that level of age and whiteness? he's older now than reagan was when reagan finished. remember how they used to talk about how he was out of it? is almost as old as two

teddy roosevelts, and that's way too old for a president, but is not that old if he were a tortoise. so if he were running for president of the galapagos islands, he's in good shape for that. >> tyrus: he's in his prime. >> joe: he had a great one, i think it was yesterday in his speech. he always has a saying and then he says this thing no one's ever said before. "as they say, the saying goes, where i come, you bring me to the dance early on." that's not a saying. >> greg: no, it's not. [laughter] >> joe: that's not said by people who have power of attorney over themselves. [laughter and applause] >> greg: dance with the person who brought you. but that was somehow scrambled into whatever that crap was. >> joe: he's not dancing with anyone. >> greg: he's not. he is like a tortoise in that he needs help being turned over when he's on his back. kat, you're the youngest on the panel. sorry, emily.

do you think people your age are going to dump biden next year? >> kat: i don't think anybody's excited about another biden run. i think probably the least of all biden. >> greg: yeah. >> kat: he's got to be tired. i feel like all these people say -- remember, he was saying originally he would be a one term guy, just to get everything back to normal. which, none of this is normal. but he probably doesn't want to do it himself, honestly. and i think things are just going to get so nasty by then, everyone's going to be saying "vote for my guy or else the other country is going to be destroyed, families are going be ripped apart." it'll be like 2020 except even worse. >> greg: it's going to get really bad. it's getting really bad. that's why i built a panic room inside my room. [laughter] >> tyrus: i'm sorry, so when you lock yourself inside the pentagram inside the pentagram, how in the blue hell are we

supposed to get you out? >> greg: that's a thing, i'll be in there. >> tyrus: suggests a menu in. >> greg: exactly. >> tyrus: okay! [laughter] >> greg: do you think the black community is headed away from biden into trump because he's oriented that's closer to black? >> tyrus: because you know whenever we see oranges, it's game on. >> greg: [laughs] >> tyrus: it was never watermelon, people. it was always oranges. as i drink my orange soda. >> greg: [laughs] >> tyrus: no, greg. here's the thing -- what trump did, knowingly or unknowingly, is that he made politics transparent. people never really watched. "it's all bleeped, i'm not watching it anyway." but because of who he was, people who didn't give a damn normally about politics started

paying attention. again, i hate talking about the groups, but most middle lower class americans, "i'm not getting anything anyways, i don't care." they started looking, wait a minute, that affects my bracket. he opened the game up to people who weren't normally involved, it became like a sport. they're looking at numbers, this, that, and the other. and when it's best for me, they realized the democrats weren't for them, because i don't want to spend my life on welfare and programs and watching on my taxes go to other people. this conservative thing is about individual achievement can act that sounds good to me. and as a brother, the last thing we want is more government on our ass anyway. so it makes getting more sense. but all of this is irrelevant. we are all falling for the same bleeped that happened in 2020. it was never about biden. you go to any democrat and you can say, "where is your eyelids biden sticker?" they don't have it. they do have a bleeped trump sticker.

[laughter] so biden and kamala can be as incompetent as they can all be. that's part of their game, because they are running underneath. bernie sanders and his crew can't get elected on their own. socialists can't get in. so it is their game? it's a simple game. not trump. last time he was a russian agent who peed on hookers for fun and didn't tip p*rn stars. now he's an insurrectionist. he's after this. the best thing they did, you have to look at lay it up to play it out. right now at the country hates the supreme court. actually, more, because the red wave ended up being a blue splash because of the abortion issue with the supreme court. that pissed a lot of people off and rallied them together. the same supreme court is going to say colorado is wrong, which is going to galvanize -- "see connector going to take away

your rights as a lament and allow an insurrectionist to be the president, which is going to take your democracy." their game plan is flawless because it doesn't matter. just vote not for trump. that's the game plan, it worked before and they think they can work it again. the difference is the american people are going to sit there like, you know what? this is a leap. i'm not falling for this again. that's the only opportunity, because their game plan, he's not going to debate biden. bleeped, no. he's going to say, "i'm not debating an insurrectionist. it's against everything i stand for." and he has a media behind him. so a little be no debate, he doesn't have to be in the basem*nt, it'll be on a patio in the sun where he can watch, and everyone will rally around him for being a great american to not debate the dictator that's coming. so be aware. their plan is pretty scary, i think. >> greg: all right! [applause] up next, the mysterious new twist on etsy's client list.

>> gutfeld holiday memories. ♪ ♪ >> i remember one christmas where i saw old saint nick placing christmas presents under my christmas tree. or i thought that's what saint nick was doing. but, instead, it was an ex-con trying to steal some of the gifts from under my christmas tree. so i kicked his ass and dragged his butt downtown! >> gutfeld holiday memories.

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♪ ♪ >> greg: all right! oh, god. our epstein's buddies losing sleep because a party with that

creep? and will the public finally get a look in epstein's little black book? a federal judge ordered the identities made that might be made public, people linked to the case. they range from alleged victims to witnesses to epstein employees and associates. but there are eight does not listed in the court order to unseal certain names, and as the court order allows, the does have two weeks to file appeals. for now the court believes the aliases of bill c, b clinton, and six guys called "slick willie." [laughter] several people are reported to be a public figure, including one who appears in his little black book "if he wasn't already murdered, i would tell her not to open a christmas gift from this lady. [laughter] so we will have to wait and see whose names are released and only wonder who those missing eight are. and by "wonder" i think we can be certain that all eight are high-ranking public officials with the power to ruin our lives. but of course there's already

been reports of bill gates palling around with epstein. i hope his room at the mansion didn't have windows. [laughter] >> ha ha, i get it! [laughter] >> tyrus: get her out! [laughter] >> greg: but i did hear bill had a lot of floppies. >> tyrus: did you get that one, hun? [laughter] >> greg: joe, i imagine your name is in a lot of little black books and you don't mind paying for it. >> joe: i'm on a lot of do not call lists. >> greg: care to make any predictions? do you think one of the names runs with "shrian shmilmeade?" >> joe: what is it takes a lot get these names out here? i'm afraid we are going to see a list of employees and victims and everyone will have a black by rejecting them. they want everyone to have time

to work on their suicide notes, it's hard to get that many sheets now that bed bath & beyond is closed down. i want to know, who are these dirtbags who are doing this? flight was called the "lolita express," it was called pedophile island. there were no other flights to connect to atlanta? "i have to change that pedophile island." you have to talk to expedia if that's a problem. >> tyrus: i was trying to get to work, sometimes you need to take connect in places you don't know! i think we need to push this back for a while until he make sure there's no bleeped tyrus on that list! >> greg: pedophile island does sound like a disney film that hasn't been made yet. so, kat, here's an important question. could people be unfairly maligned if they are in this book? what if they had no idea what he was doing? maybe they met with him about some kind of college grant he was going to give. i'm trying to be nice.

>> kat: well, i know i didn't go. >> greg: once! >> kat: here's the thing, i don't trust that this is not going to be released in a curated way. they are showing us names, but they are showing us the names they are okay with. i want to see the names they don't want us to see. but i'm shocked. i really think, if it was up to this list coming out, or finding out who was the person who had all that diarrhea on the delta flight -- remember that? that's been more of a secret than this. >> greg: that was brian kilmeade. >> kat: i heard it was a woman. that's very sexist of you to say that a woman could never have diarrhea all over a plain! >> greg: that's true! tyrus, what do you think? any predictions on the list? >> tyrus: i predict i will not be on it. [laughter] because they just be putting people on leap! i'm not falling for this. the reason the list ain't out, we already know who's on the

list. look at anybody with white hair on the senate or house committee. they are on the list. and it's all across the board. mitch is probably on there. >> greg: don't say that, i didn't want to get sued! >> tyrus: i didn't say mitch who come it could be mitch coburn. i don't know who you are referring to. i'm just saying, there's probably a bunch of people on there who are in service right now and that's why we don't have the list. they haven't done enough killing yet. >> greg: yes. emily, what if this turns out to be another al capone's vault? how soon before geraldo does a special on it? he's free. >> emily: so and i, i'll do the special. you guys, i felt like the judge was sort of wanting to temper expectations. don't get excited because she said "you guys," and i paraphrase, essentially a lot of them are not salacious and that's why i'm going to reveal the names, and also she wrote in the order that they have been

allegations reported before. i think you're going to get the list and be like, oh, it's exactly who we've been talking about and whatever. however, she also said everyone who said please don't redact because my life will be ruined, because of adverse publicity, because i'll be embarrassed, divorced, fired, et cetera, she said that's not good enough, i don't give a [bleep]. >> tyrus: right to my face! [laughter] >> emily: so it's not going to necessarily be explosive. >> greg: like the diarrhea? >> emily: but i don't know. >> tyrus: but, to be clear, tyrus was never on the island. >> greg: we've got to move on. up next, a bathroom got defiledo by a sandwich-stealingu child. christian health care ministries could save you up to 40% today. as a member, you can choose your provider without network restrictions. sign up at your convenience with our anytime enrollment.

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>> you need a man who won't blush at the sound of a flush. you need the poo detective. >> greg: tonight on poo detective, the mom, who thought a thief's just desserts was the hershey squirts. an australian woman -- aren't they all? said someone was stealing her daughters school lunch that she spiked it with laxatives until the kid not to eat it. then report back if anybody got the runs after lunch. sure enough, one boy kept rushing to the toilet over several days, apparently suffering from the thunder from down under. [laughter] the school figured out what was going on and now the daughter is facing a suspension and the mom is asking the internet for advice on what to do, which is what all moms do. well, first feed your kid. second, get a lawyer who is an expert in diarrhea law.

[laughter] didn't you work on that class action suit against chipotle? >> emily: no! >> greg: that's a shame. is this really against the law? >> emily: well, i would say this -- intentionally, you can't intentionally give a child, another child, a laxative. remember when they gave that noisy kids something to make it sleep or whatever? however, i would argue it's not my fault he ate the lunch. i made it for my own daughter, she was in need of it because she was constipated beforehand. in the little fridge upstairs, it's a microwave lunch, twice now it's been stolen in the last time, on friday, i always carry it in a bag that my sister went on this really nice vacation for work. so i keep it in the bag, so they took the bag, too! and it was special to me. >> greg: it's somebody at

"fox & friends." you can't trust those people. they don't even sleep! kat! >> kat: emily is right, but this mom blew it. "am i going to get in trouble?" yes, what you've done is illegal. you've poisoned a child. was she supposed to do is reverse it, and go aggressive on the school. "that was for my daughter." "do not know how bad it is that she's dealing with constipation and now she has to deal with being treated like a criminal over it? you're going to suspend her? you lucky i don't see you guys!" but instead she goes on the internet, and this is a very specific situation. it's going to be hard to crack that case, right? >> tyrus: i like what you did there. >> greg: the poo detective. >> kat: the thing is, if you're going to do something like poison a child, you can't then cite your boundary, "okay, but i'm not going to lie." like, dude! stick with it! >> greg: stick with the crime!

tyrus, isn't this what you do to porch pirates who steal packages off your porch? like glitter? >> tyrus: i don't understand any of this. first of all, that flight attendant, i call grandma. give you a little sip of something to help you go to sleep at night. we had valiums and whiskey, anything to shut me up. listen, this is good parenting. are we missing the point here? the little bastard is stealing sandwiches! he is stealing! and i missing it? [applause] he is stealing sandwiches. the laxative was put in there to stop a thief because the school didn't do it. if he was in another part of the world, they cut his hand off. so he had to run to the bathroom. maybe all this running back and forth you think, i'll stop stealing [bleep] because it hurts my stomach. good parenting. >> greg: isn't that funny, that a drug, joe, meant to cause you to poop stopped something?

it stopped a theft. that was a terrible, terrible question. >> joe: i think her mistake was, don't confess. don't confess online. even bring the kid into the lion have the kids say, i don't know, a dingo ate my brownie or whatever they say. they faked him out. >> it was a bad salami. >> joe: it was a bad salami? >> tyrus: you're making jokes, that was serious. >> joe: but it's the best self tracking. forget about air tags. when i was a kid they used to tell you don't pee in the pool because there is something that makes the water turned blue, that i was on the diving board. and put a note on it, don't eat this, it's poison. see you kill the person stealing your food. you try to get a conspiracy to commit homicide. >> greg: i still believe it is fox & friends. it's probably peter doocy.

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♪ if you love all the birds and trees mama all the fishes in the seas memo if you take videos of pets memo it's as good as it gets ♪ ♪ we hope your furry dreams come true ♪ ♪ it's time to celebrate greg's animal friends ♪ ♪ celebrate greg's animal friends ♪ ♪[applause] >> greg: it's a holiday edition, which doesn't mean anything! although tomorrow you'll be driving with your cat to detroit. >> kat: i will be doing the driving, but yes. >> greg: do you have an animal story? >> kat: i have a video. where is it? >> greg: i don't know. >> kat: look at that! there's got to be a treat above the dog's head, right? no dog would just do that. my dog wouldn't do that. he doesn't like things on his

head. >> greg: yeah. isn't that, like, torture? >> kat: that's what i'm saying. he's not doing it of his own volition. the title was like, "dog dances!" that's not what's happening. >> greg: i don't like when they do that because suddenly these dogs are my height. [laughter] i don't need any more competition from my furry friends! tyrus, i'll bet you have some side sort of reptile. >> tyrus: i was told holiday, so this year i was breeding holiday fish for fun to see if i could get christmas covers, and that is muggsy right there. the side effect is he has a huge brain. which makes him ponder what he's in a glass box all day. he asks a lot more questions than the other animals. i haven't quite figured it out. but that's called a flower horn. >> greg: it's funny, i think i figured out where prince harry's

balls went. >> tyrus: has actually work ! his parents were blue and green and i got read out of it. as the pictures of his brothers and sisters if they want to show them real quick. there they go. we got some really cool christmas colors and stuff and this is what you do when you don't go out drinking at the bar where ever go epstein's island. you spend time curating and breeding fish. those are my new colors that came out this year. look at that. very festive. >> emily: they like gods ornaments. >> tyrus: no, they are my my ornaments. but i do get the ingredients from him. merry christmas. >> joe: there is an annual tradition i'm huge fan of, and we can show it. it is cats destroying christmas trees. i think it's great, and look at them. and i love the way they haul ass to flee the scene of the crime after. every year, people seem shocked. don't bring in a giant scratching post with things

dangling from it! it's a giant cat toy. if you decorated your house with a mailman and a hydrant you wouldn't get mad at your dog. >> greg: you wouldn't. first they were tearing down statues, and look at them now. >> joe: what's fun is when they eat the tinsel. it makes cleaning the litter box very festive. >> greg: that's beautiful. emily, do you have a delightful animal story to share for us? >> emily: it is a quintessential emily video. the nascar race, there's a human racing a moose! and he's down for the count! i bet you didn't think i would take that video. >> greg: do you have a back story? what is the backstory here? >> emily: the backstory is this is a canadian driver driving along a wintry road and he was catching up to the moose as he was racing to the work, and the moose was like, i it will always outrun a forward! and out of the game.

ford wins. the moose -- >> greg: they always say that, the moose is fine. no, he's not. >> tyrus: the guy was having a great time but the moose wasn't. "oh, my god, he's trying to kill me." >> emily: nodded, man! >> tyrus: he was eaten by a bear in the next video! >> greg: which we will show next week. >> tyrus: in the same guy wrote, is someone going to help the poor moose? no. >> joe: does actually justin trudeau in a costume. >> greg: we have to move on. an employee was miffed by his christmas gift.

>> a story in five words. [applause] >> greg: this story in five words, "men hates his secret santa." joe, a christmas loving employee -- the worst -- went all out for secret santa this year but was startled to discover the gift for him was a cheap box of chocolates. without the ex-lax. he now says he'll never participate in secret santa again. do you think this is an overreaction? >> joe: a little bit, for a grown man, to be that mad about secret santa. i find there is a foolproof way to do it. i wait until the person leaves and take something from their desk and wrap it up. [laughter] then when they open it and say,

"i think this is mine," i say, "i knew you would want something like that." >> greg: very good. tyrus, this guy -- >> tyrus: he's a thousand percent correct, greg. with him in spirit. i know his pain. don't laugh, this is about you, too. let me talk to my real friends. [laughter] secret santa, i participated this year. i had one of our producers. i knew he liked horror movies so i went out and i got him a book about horror movies. it was a phenomenal book. you saw it, it was riveting. you know what my secret santa got me? guess what? a bag of candy, and it wasn't the cool kind of candy, it was like the hershey's that nobody wants. no peanuts in them, and you have to open each one up individually. >> greg: i hate that! >> tyrus: boo that man! i'm not going to tell you who he is, but his name was joe, but not this joe. on top of that outrage, apparently the whole "gutfeld!"

crew got cheese boxes! from greg! i didn't get it! and no, he did not know i'm lactose intolerant. >> greg: [laughs] >> tyrus: so here's the deal. i will never ever participate. there will be no secret santa. i will leak names. the "gutfeld!" team is jealous of my awesome gift giving powers. they even do the christmas parties on friday when they know i fly home! so i'm done with christmas. done. >> greg: aww. >> tyrus: right? i'm the victim here. thank you. where's the cheese box, gutfeld? too late! [laughter] >> greg: i have an idea for secret santa, emily. everyone sits in a circle in the each hand $20 to the person on the left. >> emily: i love that game! >> greg: it's under $25. >> emily: totally.

it works. >> tyrus: except for me, i'll get $5. [laughter] >> emily: i want to tell you your book was amazing and secret santa is totally about the giver, and the person who gave you the chocolate just didn't know what to do, i'm sure, and meant well. >> tyrus: i tried this with every person every dated and they're still mad at me. >> emily: my gift, which also tells what people think about you, it has to do with coffee. i wore my coffee and a little thing about angels, because of my faith. i feel seen and love. for your advice, whoever has you next year she does give you your mirror again that got stolen by the weekend team! >> greg: yes, the evil "fox & friends weekend" team. kat, this guy seems very needy. >> kat: i hit the guy sorry, tyrus. i know exactly who this guy is. he went above and beyond so that he could be like, "i went above and beyond for you!" nobody is asking you to do that. it is secret santa at work.

it's not that big of a deal. he needs to calm down. he is somebody who gives performatively so he can then say "i was wrong." we want to have a girlfriend, a family, or a dog? >> tyrus: his chocolates weren't individually wrapped, either. i just like to point that out. >> joe: now i feel bad that you gave me two of those cheese boxes. [laughter] >> tyrus: one of you ain't getting out of here tonight. [laughter] >> greg: don't go away. we'll be right back. [applause] h forever. it changes how you eat, how you feel, and how you enjoy life. it changes your smile and how others smile at you. clearchoice network doctors have changed over 100,000 lives with dental implants, and they can change yours, too. because a clearchoice day changes every day. schedule a free consultation.

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hi! need new glasses? get more from your benefits at visionworks. how can you see me squinting? i can't! i'm just telling everyone! ...hey! use your vision benefits before they expire. visionworks. see the difference. >> greg: out of time. thanks to emily compagno, kat timpf, joe devito, tyrus. i love you, america! [applause] >> end emanuel and for trace gallagher. it's 11:00 p.m. here o

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Greg Gutfeld examines the news of the day through a satiric lens fused with pop culture.

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